3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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