ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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