dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
