Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
