I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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