Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
