It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
