living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
