We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
