just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
