I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
