Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
