My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
