Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
