does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
