I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
