Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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