Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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