so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we're making bets on your personal life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
