Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
