I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
