I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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