I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
