does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
