apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
