Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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