no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
