and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
