Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
