member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm bleeding and have questions
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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