A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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