you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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