I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
