but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
