the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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