How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize