Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
