Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
