that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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