and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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