im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
