drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
