Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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