dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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