K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I deserve this hangover.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
