if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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