It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
