who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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