so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
false alarm. still invincible.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
