the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
