he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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