He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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