I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Farmville is her only friend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
