if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Alive.
So much puke
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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