I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
