it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
