I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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