and i looked up. we had an audience...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
