O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
