i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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