I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
