He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
