he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Mom said you looked used
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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