the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
