She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
