I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
