Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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