I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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