so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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