He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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