allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
