he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
