They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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