dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
