It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
