we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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