she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw a hot homeless man
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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